A Funny Story with a Great Example of Refined Word Swapping (Especially for Toddlers)
Once upon a time my son was a toddler, and when he was, there were abundant moments where I had to tell him to stop doing something. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, like an incessant buzz-kill chorus that filled the house.
At some point I thought poor kid, it must be pretty discouraging to be told to “stop” all the time. I reconsidered the whole thing in relation to my goals. My goals were to educate him as to his environment, keep him safe, help him learn boundaries, and redirect him all whilst encouraging his spirit as much as I could. No easy task!
Some wonderful language changes cleaned up the whole situation rather well and reminded me of the magic of words. After all, spells, as in magic spells, have to do with words, spelling, and language. The power of words is one of the human race’s first experiences in discovering their own power — and how language shapes perception (and thus, action and consequence).
So, back to it. I’m there in the house or in the market or wherever telling my kid to stop doing this or that all the time. Then I asked myself: What EXACTLY do I want him to do (or not do)? Stop is an easy generalization, but what I asking? What is the positive request? Here’s what I got: often, I was asking him to RELEASE something. So I rather hilariously began asking him to release things. Boy, was that funny! Darling, release the cat. Release his tail! Release! He’s nearly seven now and we still laugh about it to this day.
And you know what else? These language corrections sharpened his understanding of specific actions. It sharpened his own specificity and his ability to refine his perception, actions, and language. As anyone could guess, he still didn’t like being told what to do, but it sure beat being smattered with one bummer word all the time and being treated like a doggy.
More examples of refined language swapping, as it relates to little kids and their wondrous antics, and specifically in place of the generalized “stop”:
Instead of “Stop”, Try:
Release
Pause
Let go
Drop
And if you ever ask your kid to surrender a toy, well, I’ll love you forever and please let me know! ;-) Better yet, film it and mail it in. That one is a poetic stretch, but definitely worth both a shot and the smile it will give one of you!